You might be reading these posts and thinking to yourself, who is this chick? Is she a complete nut case that only cares about food and exercise? Is she a skinny, long legged blond? Maybe she is really fat, because she eats a lot of bananas and butter? Is she big or small, pretty or ugly, muscly or chubby? Well, I might be all of those things, depending on who’s judging me. Thankfully, what I think is what matters in the end, because I have to live with myself every day and I should be happy with what I see in the mirror when I wake up. I am. That has not always been the case though. I am not going to share my entire life story here, but I would like to share my weight loss and weight gain story. Because I know so many others out there are not happy with themselves and are trying to do something about it.
Right now, I am happy with what I se in the mirror. Let’s go back 15 years in time. I used to be a pretty skinny teenagers and remember being terrified of gaining weight when I was around 14-15 years old. Crop top was modern back then (and, in fact they are modern this season too for some reason I can’t figure out!) and I had a good looking stomach. Then I moved out of home, started drinking more beer, eating more pizza and burgers and exercising less. Naturally I put on some weight. I don’t think it concerned me to much. I moved again to go to another school further north in Norway. Another year of partying and not being to physically active. Then, I moved to Mexcio – the land of guacamole, cheese and beans! Oh, and beer and tequila. After six months of living with a beautiful Mexican family who really knew how to cook, I rolled home to Norway. I was now 21 and at my heaviest ever. Lived in Oslo for a while and did a lot of walking, but didn’t do anything with my food. Kept drinking beer.
Then I moved to Australia for the first time. I meet Dr Feelgood (no, that’s not his real name, but the name I gave him. Because he made me feel good). I can’t even remember why I went there in the first place, but after a few visits, I think he pointed out to me that I did need to lose a few kilos (not a few actually). He was a nutritionist, chiropractor and chinese medicine practitioner. He taught me quite a few things and gave me many interesting books to read. For the next six months I lost 17 kilos. I didn’t eat any sugar, dairy products, anything highly processed, red meat only once a week, no white rice, no white bread (actually I don’t think there was anything white in my food at all). I was trying to keep my body alkaline and not acidic. I felt amazing. I had more energy than I could use and was bouncing off the walls. This six months I started running and did my first fun run ever. I was running every morning, pounding on the asphalt.
The scales started to become a problem. I was addicted and only wanted to lose more weight. I had a number in my head that I HAD to get to. I started eating less and less. The energy went out the window. My emotions was all over the shop. But I didn’t care. All I wanted was to get below that number. And I did. I was super happy. It was all that mattered! I can’t look back today and say it was a pretty sight. A little to bony and skinny. I didn’t do any weight training, just running, running and more running. I was what many people would refer to as obsessed. I weighed my self several times a day.
Somehow, with many long conversations with Dr Feelgood, I managed to get out of it. I started eating more again. Added some naughty things I hadn’t eating for such a long time. I was still very conscious of what I put in my mouth, but at least my weight stabilised a little higher and I was back to a normal size. Then I moved again. Back to Norway. Kept the weight off, kept training, lots of hiking in the mountains and lots of spin classes. Feeling good about myself. Happy with the image in the mirror again. That good feeling.
I then moved to Uganda, put on a few kilos of fat due to lack of exercise and to many bananas :). When I arrived back to Norway, I went back to my usual routine and got back into shape quickly and was again happy with how I looked. It started going downhill again, after I moved back to Australia the second time around (what is it with Australia??). I started a new job as a PT and needed to lose weight as a part of the trainee program. That was fine, I could probably shed a few for that. I started out on a healthy weight and lost 6 kilos. I was reaching for that number on my scales again. Every week I was pinched and commented on by my trainer; there is a bit extra here, you could lose some there. At my last weigh in day, I was lighter than I had been since my previous weight loss period, and I was still pinched and told there was a bit more to lose here and there. I know my trainer didn’t mean this in any bad way, but it was messing with my head. Big time.
I have never been a binge eater before in my entire life. Suddenly I found myself going home for lunch to eat. For an hour. Whatever was in the house. Until I felt sick. I have never experienced anything like it. My weight propelled back up, and I probably gained everything I had lost, plus a little extra in two or three weeks. My emotions were all over the place. I was not happy with how I looked, I was not happy with how I felt or who I was. I knew everyone around me could tell I was gaining weight and that was stressing me out on top of everything else.
It took me almost a year to get over the experience of having my fat pinched and critiqued, when I was skinnier then I had ever been before. I am now back to my healthy, happy weight where I can look myself in the mirror and say I like what I see. I have a strong body from lifting heavy weights. I have a fit body from running and cycling and a flexible body from yoga. I move because it makes me feel good. I want to be strong because it makes life is easier. I want to be fit and healthy, because it’s who I am.
There you go, my weight loss and weight gain journey in a nut shell. In the end of the day, what really matters is how YOU feel about yourself, not what anyone else’s opinion is. I am sure there’s people who think I am too fat or too something else. I am happy and I enjoy the feeling of being fit and eating healthy. I am doing it for myself. Do it for yourself and make yourself happy. Every day.